You can change your mind

A project that’s been looming over me is decluttering my home. When I moved three years ago, I naively thought I wouldn’t have that much to take since I didn’t have any large furniture. Oh sweet, summer child. Seeing literally everything I owned out in the open certainly disabused me of such silly assumptions

Alas, everything was neatly put away into wardrobes and drawers and the stuff was never dealt with. Time and my larger apartment have only since multiplied my possessions. At first this wasn’t strictly an unwanted phemomenon: one of the reasons I wanted to move was so I could have a proper crafting area and home for my collections. My stationery stash and BTS collection slowly expanded to fill their new space. And at the time, I loved it. I loved planning my collection space and then seeing it properly displayed. You can see me set up my BTS collection here:

Even though the spaces are organized, lately my shelves, both stationery and BTS merch, haven’t been bringing me the same sense of joy as before. I used to love rearranging my shelves, going through my stash, and just admiring my collections. These days, it feels more like a burden.

Recognizing the real need to let things go, I have been telling myself I would destash and declutter since last fall. I’ve half-heartedly identified some things that I’m willing to part with, but they haven’t actually left my home yet. The unwanted items have just been relocated from their homes to temporary housing in stacks in my living room. Something’s gotta change though. I’m tired of constantly having this task hang over me mentally, and glare at me physically in the form of this pile.

The pile above is mostly things I have no emotional attachment to, ie the easy stuff. However every time I sat down to face my collections, various thoughts and emotions would bubble up. The biggest reaction to facing my collections has been guilt. Why did I buy this? Or I spent so much time and money on this, I can’t get rid of it. Even though I clearly don’t have sentimental attachments to most of the things anymore, I couldn’t bring myself to let them go.

It took a book, Declutter Your Life by Gill Hasson, to help me identity and address the biggest mental blocks standing in my way. I can’t recommend this slim little guide enough. The way it concisely lays out why we accumulate things and how to change our mindset about stuff was really helpful. I’ve reread the chapters on ‘Why Can’t You Clear It All Out’ and ‘Think Differently’ about four or five times now.

For me the two biggest takeaways regarding a mindset change were: You can change your mind and Live in the present.

You can change your mind

It’s such an obvious statement but when I really let myself absorb it in relation to stuff, it was a eureka moment.

Nearly everything in my home I bought or acquired because I needed or wanted it. Whether it was in pursuit of my hobbies which genuinely brought me joy (stationery and merch) or out of necessity (uncomfortable dress shoes for work), it was the right choice at the time.

When I first got into creative journaling four or five years ago, it was all new and exciting. I loved doing it, making videos about it, and exploring stationery shops all over the city to find items for my stash. It also took a lot of trial and error to discover what my style was, and my journaling style has also evolved over time. Naturally, there are a lot of items in my collection now I no longer reach for.

I still journal, but I also recognize I don’t need to hold onto all the items I haven’t used in years. I genuinely wanted or needed them when I bought them at the time. Since then, I’ve changed. I’ve changed my mind, and that’s okay. Holding onto the remnants of my past self isn’t going to bring back that sunken cost of time or money. I don’t need to feel guilty about past me’s decisions, when that guilt is only serving to keep unwanted things in my home. It’s time to let both the guilt and stuff go.

Live in the present

The book also points out several emotional reasons for why we hold onto clutter. Two that resonated with me were fear-based and hope-based clutter. Specifically, what if I need it some day? (fear-based) and I might get around to using it/ I might lose weight and wear it again (hope-based).

Holding onto something “just in case” just serves as a physical reminder of that worst case scenario I’m fearful about. Similarly, hope-based clutter only points out to us what we’ve failed to get around to. My aspirational to do list is burdensome enough in my brain, I don’t need physical reminders of what I haven’t done yet (lost weight, read that book, crafted that craft, the list goes on). I want to say good bye to the baggage of past me, step out of the hypothetical future, and transform my home to serve present me.

As always, easier said than done. But I’ve slowly started to actually remove unwanted items from my house. Yesterday I shipped off my BTS Merch Box 11 to a new home, and just now I sold a bundle of stationery labels and stickers. It’s still only a trickle, but hoping the momentum of these small sales will grow. At the very least, the side eye pile in my living has got to go! (Wish me luck?)

I’m curious what your approach is to stuff. Are there any minimalists out there? Any maximalists? How do you deal with the accumulation of stuff?

(Friday Night Writes #4)